


How to Please Women

by lamerezouille



Series: 25 days of Draco and Harry, 2011 [12]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-12
Updated: 2012-11-12
Packaged: 2017-11-18 12:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/561072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamerezouille/pseuds/lamerezouille
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><b>Prompt:</b> <a href="http://i1209.photobucket.com/albums/cc385/sassy_cissa/12.jpg">Three nicely wrapped presents </a><br/>Given the prompt, I almost wrote about Draco weaving golden ribbons with his hair. Almost.</p>
    </blockquote>





	How to Please Women

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** [Three nicely wrapped presents ](http://i1209.photobucket.com/albums/cc385/sassy_cissa/12.jpg)  
>  Given the prompt, I almost wrote about Draco weaving golden ribbons with his hair. Almost.

‘Why, oh why did I let you talk me into this?’ Harry said, as he was running his hand through his hair for the nineteenth time in as many minutes.

‘There was nothing to talk you into! You agreed right away, when I suggested it. You were happy to have “this chore taken off your shoulders”, if I recall your words correctly. Don’t you blame me for anything.’

‘All right, I’ll admit that with work being crazy these days, I was glad when you offered to take care of the few gifts I had left to buy, but if I’d known then _what_ you’d be buying…’

Harry paced a little more. It didn’t really help, but if he got a little dizzy, maybe he would forget all about it.

‘You’re just too picky, Harry,’ Draco said as if it was suddenly Harry’s fault. ‘My presents are perfect! I don’t know your friends and family like you do, but I know them enough.’

‘Yes, Draco, you know them enough to pick for them the worst gifts possible.’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ Draco said as he crossed his arms, his voice becoming a bit too stern for comfort.

‘You bought a book of diet recipes for Molly, a bottle of hair-dye for Ginny, and a contraception device for Luna. How could your gifts be more offensive than that?’

‘These present are not _offensive_ , as you put it so well, but _useful_. I’m sure Mrs Weasley wouldn’t mind losing a few stones! And nobody in their right mind would like being a red-head. And frankly, I think it’s better for everybody if Loony Lovegood never procreates.’

Harry knew he was gaping like a carp, but he’d just run out of any other reaction to have. ‘Okay, if you think so. I’ll choose to trust you. We’ll offer these things to them. But if they have anything against their gifts, you’re taking the blame, Draco Malfoy,’ Harry said with a threatening finger pointed at Draco.

Draco just nodded, and Harry knew things would not go well.

On Christmas Day, Harry watched Molly, Ginny and Luna open their gifts from afar. It was official that any present coming from Harry came also from Draco, but he was usually credited entirely by his friends, so he just hoped he’d have time to blame it on Draco before they killed him.

He was observing Molly’s reaction very intently when a cold hand grabbed his arm and turned him around.

It was Ginny. Harry opened his mouth to explain everything, but she cut him off before he’d had time to think up something to say. ‘Oh, Harry, that’s splendid! I can’t believe you knew that I had some troubles with my team because my hair was visible too clearly for our opponents’ Beaters. This is just what I needed. It’s perfect.’ She kissed him on the cheek and skipped away to show the hair-dye to Hermione.

Harry didn’t have time to comprehend what had just happened before Luna was next to him and looking at him with her eyes bigger than ever. ‘Oh, Harry. This is so thoughtful. With the Warcksprut pox all around, it could be very dangerous to become pregnant right now. Did you know an infected foetus would grow up without the sense of smell? That would be absolutely dreadful.’

She smiled some more and went back to her husband, who was looking in Harry’s direction with a confused frown.

All right, so only Molly left. Harry breathed deeply and hoped for the best. He looked around the room for Draco and wondered if they couldn’t leave before Molly got convinced Harry thought she was fat. Draco seemed to be in a very animated conversation with Angelina, though, so it didn’t seem they could sneak off discreetly. The bastard glanced up at him briefly and smirked. If they were never invited to Sunday dinner again, Harry would _kill_ him, no matter how much he loved him.

He saw Molly coming from the other side of the room and the look on her face wasn’t so pleased. Harry gritted his teeth. ‘Harry! What an awful idea!’ Harry’s heart was thumping wildly and his head wanted to be bowed. He hoped being removed from the Weasley family wouldn’t leave him with physical sequels. ‘How could you buy those for Bill? He has too many of these earing-thingies already!’ Harry expelled a breath like he never did before.

‘Hm, but Molly, what do you think of the _book_?’ He asked rather nervously.

‘The book?’ Molly seemed a little distracted. ‘Of course you’re not responsible for the book.’ Harry was confused, but she went on right away, ‘Draco was the only one I’d told I wanted to try my hand at healthier recipes.’ She tried to smooth his hair a little and went off to replenish something or other, leaving Harry in a very odd emotional state.

He looked back at Draco to see him walking in his direction, his smirk now practically glowing (if a smirk could ever glow).

‘Shut up,’ Harry said, not letting Draco any I-told-you-so time. Harry knew very well Draco would never let him live it down and that this story would be told and re-told as a new Christmas tradition, but he didn’t really care that much: there was mistletoe above his head and lips to kiss on Draco’s face. Nothing else mattered.

 


End file.
